Full Circle

The destiny

When I wake up early in the morning, I am not immediately aware of what I am about to do. But I feel wired. I realise my purpose quickly when I jump out of bed and see my shaved abdomen and the ring. I will go and meet him! And, yes, I will dress in white for him. Underwear, short dress and shoes, that is all. I have looked outside and have seen that the day promises to become very warm.
It is not long before I drive out of my city, which is still sleeping. It is daybreak. Within a few hours I seem to have left society far behind. Endlessly long straight highways in barren land with only an occasional farm or hamlet to mark the route. The landscape is hardly cheerful, but nothing disturbs my happiness in anticipation of my meeting. The morose people in the two diners I visit appear as from another planet, as likewise I must appear to them.
It is four p.m. when I finally reach the designated village. It is a one-horse town and I have no trouble finding the shack that serves as the post-office. I am extremely nervous when I enter the edifice. The man at the post-office eyes me intently as I approach. He will not see many virgin-bride-like women in white enter his space. Whatever his thoughts concerning me are, he lazily hears my request and turns to scuffle around his space. Within a minute or two he manages to produce an envelope, which he hands to me. No, he cannot remember the person who deposited it. He cannot even remember when it has been. (My man, his appearance still uncharted. His voice is all I know.) Thanking him, I take my leave, clutching the envelope, the one he has touched before me. No sooner have I entered my car or I tear the envelope open and snatch the content out. It is a map with a marked route. I eagerly hope the indicated destination is the final one.
A final hour's journey in the scorching sun leads me along ever- smaller roads. The air that enters through the open windows does provide no cooling whatsoever and I sweet like a pig. (Can I meet him like this?) I suddenly consider that I would be lost if my car suddenly broke down here. (I have to have faith in him not to let me down!).
At long last I reach my destination, a remote large bungalow at a small lake. The land is barren, desert sand and some dry grass, save a group of trees near the lake. A mountain range is visible in the distance. I have seen the settlement for five minutes before I eventually arrive.

The bungalow is of a simple but elegant wooden construction. The side of the building I approach is closed, apart from the entrance and a few small windows. At the end of the driveway I switch off the engine of my car. All is silent and nothing moves. With trepidation, I get out and walk to the door. I knock on the door and wait, fruitlessly. And again. My heart sinks. Then I try the door and find it open. Relief! He is expecting me after all.

I enter his realm and call out to him. I receive no reply. Is he not there or does he choose not to answer? I am burning to see him. So I start surveying his spaces. Bit by bit I find that the house consists of a large, simply furnished living room, two large bedrooms, a bathroom - all facing the lake. At the closed front side, I find a kitchen and a third bedroom. The side that faces the lake is entirely transparent and faces the south-west.
The ceiling of the living room is high and provides a wide-open view of the lake. I am profoundly impressed when I enter, even if I don't find him there. The master bedroom is only half separated from the living room and contains little more than an enormous bed - empty and made-up. These rooms and the bathroom are as if open to the outside. At this hour, they are alight with the glare of the descending sun.

I have surveyed his realm, but him I have not found. The place is deserted. I am very disappointed. What good is his kingdom without the king? My mental journey is to continue.

In the main bedroom I have seen a steel box placed on the bed. That now provides my focus. I go there and inspect it. It is closed but a key is inserted in the lock. I open it and see a further envelope. Opening the envelope and retrieving the note, I learn that I am to call his phone number first thing every morning to receive the instructions for the day. For how long this will continue and what the reward will be? The note provides no clue.
The note further instructs me to undress and fold up my clothes. I am to take a fine gold chain out of the box and tie the ends with golden wires to my nipples, firmly but not too tight. I am to clip a pair of gold discs to the ring through my labia. I am to place the stack of clothes and my car keys along with the travel instructions in the box and lock it.
I obey, as I have no choice. I am no longer the mistress of my life. The wires around my nipples gradually start burning, a feeling which retreats again but never fully. I remain aware of the chain between my bare breasts. And of the discs, which lightly clatter when I walk.
I am to walk outside and throw the key of the box into the lake. As the sun sets, I stand at the edge of the lake for a long time, in the sultry spring air, before I finally commit the key to the water. I am alone now and have burned the bridges to the world that I knew.

Alone I go to bed, drained and emptied. Had I expected things to be easy and my man to take me lovingly in his arms, to make love to me, for me to lose myself, to find my purpose, to be fulfilled and have the romantic time of my life? I hate to admit it, but I had hoped just for that. But I am being tested and I must not fail, I must not fail, not fail ... My clenched fists relax when I finally fall asleep.


What went before - To be continued


Copyright by Vanna Vechian, 1998/2001. Reproduction allowed only for personal use.

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