pre-

07:30

07:45

09:00

09:30

11:40

13:00

14:00

16:00

17:30

18:00

later

20:00

20:30

22:00

The night at the end of your yourself

After your dance, take another drink at your choice

Drink it slowly, thinking about your day

Remove your dress

A drink of my choice... I need something strong but gentle. Malt whisky is what I settle for, a liberal amount that is. I remove my dress and am naked once more, that is: apart from the smudgy, defiled stockings and the chains and apart from my collar, without which I simply would not exist. I sit down on my sofa, legs spread. I am so excited, or exhausted, to the point of hallucinating. I drink my drink in a mere few gulps and immediately pour myself a possibly even stiffer one. (Oh, oblivion! Why doest thou beckon me?)

Put out the candles except four.

Kneel in middle of the room

The four candles on the table in front of you

The final test. I walk around the four corners of the room and extinguish all candles but four in the last corner. I feel I am getting drunk. I carry the candle stand to the table in the middle of the room and set it down. I kneel down behind it. A deep sigh escapes me. (Master, forgive me. I am committed to serve you. Vigorously!) I concentrate on the candles, totally committed, even if intoxicated.

22:15

Take one candle in each hand

Close your eyes and hold the candles firmly

Concentrate! Naked, on my bare knees, I take a candle in each hand and close my eyes. I am aware of what will happen next. I am aware that there is one final array of pain in store. It is nothing to me. (I am drunk.) I will overcome. It is me that is the better of my body, that beautiful, but vulnerable shell I live in. Yet I am myself only because of my body. Master and slave, slave and Master, me and my body, we depend on each other.

22:30

Fall flat on the carpet on your back, slowly

Have a big breath

Turn the 2 candles slowly

Count five drops of hot wax on each breast

Tears allowed

Then blow up the 2 candles

I separate my feet and land my bum between them, holding my candles. My chains clattering, I wiggle my feet forward and stretch my legs. A careful balancing act lands me very slowly on my back. The ceiling, I contemplate the ceiling, as I slowly turn the candles. Yes, I gasp as the drops fall on my breasts. Yes, they hurt. The hurt is identical to the touch of the ice-cubes. I cannot distinguish the hot from the cold. The sensation is equally short lived. I have no need for tears. The candles, these sources of heat, are nothing to me. Emotionlessly, I extinguish them.

22:45

Stand up on your knees in front of the table

Watch the two last candles

Ask yourself if you are ready for another 2x5 drops

I return to the middle of the room, to the table with the candle stand on the table in the middle of room. (I CAN DO ANYTHING NOW!) I watch them and know that I am ready for another double dose.

23:00

If you feel strong and slave enough, do it

1, 2... I gasp, I clench my teeth..., 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Master. It is me, your worthy slave. The mistress of her body. My wounds will heal. I am strong. (And you, my Master? How strong are you? How about your body? What is your relationship with that mortal shell? Are you your own master? I must be insulting him, but I am blind to this. I have blown a fuse.)

Then keep the 2 candles lightened and go to you computer

Send me a message: my slave tits have received 20 drops wax.

Send me a second message: Slave inside

I am sick and throw up when I bend over in the hallway to pick up my chain. I am miserable and shivering from cold. When I reach my bed eventually with my final energy, still dressed in dirty stockings, chains and my collar, I chain myself to the bed as I did the night before. I must do it. I am not free. Oblivion.... I have no structured thought for what tomorrow will bring, for whether I am a changed woman, whose life will never be the same, who needs the guidance of the Master... I fall asleep with a faint blur of memories of the experiences of the day, which will be, beyond any doubt, a day to remember.

23:00

If you can not do it. Put the light on

Go to your computer

Delete your previous messages to me

Delete my E-Mail adress

Forget me

Go to bed, for another day or another life